i am gonna try to write you again last time i wrote you it didn't work and it was a long conversation but i know you heard me anyway!!! i just wanted to say you are missed so much but your sprit is so strong that even i feel it and guess what i haven't felt my mom yet so when you see auntie helen, who always thought you were the cutest ok the best looking that always came to see her every easter, but when she stops yelling at for misbehavining with all those girl angels oh come on if my mom isn't yelling at you i know your nana my auntie leen is watching your butt!! ya i know i am right! sweetheart you don't stand a chance - hey wait until bingo starts or the nightly lottery number is coming out , at that time make your move!!you go boy!!!!!
jordan, please keep holding your mom, my great cousin, without her youwould not be my good looking cousin! please keep being with her if anyone can get your mom through what she is going through, again another crisis in life that no one should be asked to do, but jordan be there for and with her if i get my off my butt i'll be there her i know when your mom runs for president of our country I'll vote for her 1 billion times.
my cousin let me stop because again i im not computer qualified so if this don't get to you on screen I know you are hearing me as i type with my two fingers. please tell your NANA that her "B" misses her so much and after auntie helen yells at you for being to slick - please tell her that my life will never be the same without her but i will be the strong women she raised. Jordan, again you are missed more than words could ever say but believe it or not you are depended on more now because your family is still stuck down here and need your strenght. good night my sweet cousin and keep on trying to be slick ! love and miss you, your cousin janet from DORCHESTER!!!
CEMETERY/ MOM HI JORDIE, I CAME OUT TO THE CEMETERY TO VISIT TODAY. I'M VERY UPSET AT THE MESS I FOUND. IT'S VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO GET OUT THERE, IT'S SO FAR AND I DON'T DRIVE. IT LOOKED AS IF NO ONE HAS CLEANED YOUR SPOT IN A LONG TIME. MY FLOWER CONTAINERS WERE MOVED WITH SOMEONE ELSE'S FLOWERS. AUNT MOE, COUSIN MISSY AND CHRIS SPENT QUITE SOME TIME CLEANING IT ALL UP. IT LOOKS GREAT NOW. I HOPE YOU AND NANA LIKE THE FLOWERS WE BROUGHT, ROSES AND LILACS, NANA'S FAVORITE. I KNOW YOU WEREN'T FOND OF FLOWERS BUT IT CHEERS ME UP TO BRING THEM. I ONLY HOPE THAT PEOPLE LEAVE THEM ALONE THIS TIME. I'LL TRY TO GET BACK ON A REGULAR BASIS, BUT LIKE I SAID IT MAY BE DIFFICULT. I MISS YOU SO MUCH, IT'S SO HARD TO VISIT THE CEMETERY. I WANT TO VISIT YOU AT HOME NOT THE CEMETERY. IT'S JUST NOT NATURAL. IT SHOULDN'T BE THIS WAY. YOU SHOULD BE AT HOME WITH US. I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND ALL OF THIS. IT'S STILL HARD TO DEAL WITH AFTER 5 YRS.6MOS. THE PAIN IS STILL FRESH. I'M DEALING WITH IT BETTER, BUT IT'S STILL THERE. TODAY IS ONE OF THOSE TOUGH DAYS. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU MORE THAN I CAN EXPRESS HERE. I KNOW ONE DAY WE WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN. UNTIL THAT DAY, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART AND ON MY MIND. THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE. LOVE, MOM
Some Angels To Watch Over You ♥ / Sarah Sister To Andrew Cardwell (Angel Family )
VISITS/ MOM
HEY JORDIE, THIS MORNING I ASKED FOR SIGNS FROM YOU THAT YOU'RE OKAY. TONIGHT I GOT THE SIGNS YOU SENT. L'IL JORDAN WAS ON HER MOM'S BED WHEN SHE SUDDENLY PUT HER HANDS IN THE AIR AND SAID UP, UP, SHE STARTED TO GIGGLE LIKE SHE WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE AND THEN PUT HER ARMS UP AGAIN AN D SAID UP! I KNOW THAT WAS YOU IN THAT ROOM. SHE WAS DEFINITELY SEEING SOMEONE HER MOM DIDN'T SEE.
THEN LATER THERE IS A BALLOON FROM THE BAPTISM IN THE LIVING ROOM. IT'S BEEN ON THE CEILING FOR THREE DAYS. THIS BALLOON STARTED MOVING OUT TO THE KITCHEN AREA BY ITSELF IT HEADED TOWARDS YOUR SISTER'S ROOM. THERE WERE NO WINDOWS OPEN SO I KNOW IT WASN'T THE WIND.
I KNOW THESE ARE SIGNS I NEEDED TO COMFORT ME. I'VE BEEN SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU, I HADN'T HAD ANY SIGNS IN A LONG TIME. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STOPPING BY, EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T SEE YOU I KNOW YOU ARE THERE. THAT IS A HUGE COMFORT TO ME AND YOUR SISTER. WE NEED TO KNOW YOU ARE STILL AROUND US. WE LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH, BUT THESE VISITS HELP TREMENDOUSLY. YOU ARE ALWAYS AND FOREVER IN MY HEART. LOVE, MOM
MISS TALKING TO YOU!! / MOM GOOD MORNING SON, TOUGH WEEK FOR ME. VERY SICK, NOT ABLE TO WRITE OR LIGHT CANDLES AS MUCH AS I WANT. TOO TIRING FOR ME MOST DAYS NOW. I MISS THAT. THIS IS MY ONLY CONNECTION TO YOU NOW. THIS ILLNESS IS NOT GOING WELL, SICK ALL THE TIME, FINGERS DON'T WORK AS WELL, NUMB ALL THE TIME. MAKES IT DIFFICULT TO TYPE. TRYING TO KEEP UPBEAT THOUGH. PEOPLE SEEM TO EXPECT THAT. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THE STRONG ONE SO I'M EXPECTED TO STAY THAT WAY. BUT SOMEDAYS IT'S TOO DIFFICULT. ANYWAY I MISS YOU AND NANA SO MUCH. NANA WAS ALWAYS SUCH A BIG HELP FOR ME AFTER YOU LEFT. I NEED HER TO HELP ME THROUGH THIS. NO ONE ELSE CAN UNDERSTAND. IT UPSETS THEM TOO MUCH. I LOVE AND MISS YOU BOTH MORE THAN ANYONE WILL KNOW. WE WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN ONE DAY, I LOOK FORWARD TO THAT. LOVE, MOM
a great day / Jo pal and mom you are all missed so much at all the times we have but i know you are there in spirit.jordan little party was so great we all got together and talked and shared memories about all of you . its so good when we get together it helps all of us .gayle i am so proud of you still being so strong for everyone how you do it i dont know .gayle you will always be my second mom sometimes im not there when you need me but call me i will always listen to you .im glad i met you know who and he seemed so cool, just keep the money coming lol. thank you gayle and sheana for a good time .love you all jo
L'IL JORDAN'S BAPTISM / MOM
HI JORDIE, YOU WERE SO MISSED THIS WEEKEND. L'IL JORDAN WAS BAPTIZED TODAY. SHE IS NOW LEGALLY AND SPIRITUALLY JORDAN CHRISTOPHER SPENCER II. SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL IN HER FLOWING WHITE GOWN. SO MUCH A REMINDER OF THE CIRCLE OF LIFE. YOU AND NANA WERE SUCH A BIG PART OF KENNEDY'S BAPTISM, SO IT WAS DIFFICULT WITHOUT THE TWO OF YOU FOR L'IL JORDAN. COUSINS WAYNE AND AMY WERE THE GODPARENTS. THEY WERE BOTH EXCITED ABOUT THAT AS WERE WE. YOU AND WAYNE WERE SO CLOSE, MORE LIKE BROTHERS THAN COUSINS. AMY AND SHAENA ARE ALSO VERY CLOSE. SO IT'S WONDERFUL TO HAVE THEM AS GODPARENTS. I KNOW YOU WOULD APPROVE.
IT'S SO DIFFICULT HAVING FAMILY TIMES WITHOUT YOU. WE REALLY MISS YOU THE MOST DURING THESE TIMES. YOU WERE SUCH A BIG PART OF THE FAMILY. SHAENA FOUND IT DIFFICULT AS WELL. WE KNOW YOU AND NANA WERE BOTH THERE IN SPIRIT, SO THAT HELPS.
THINGS ARE GOING OKAY, NOT AS WELL AS I WOULD LIKE. TUMORS ARE SHRINKING BUT SLOWLY. I HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE END OF TREATMENT TO FIGURE OUT NEXT STEP. STAY NEARBY AND PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR ME. I'M FEELING REALLY LOUSY, BUT BETTER THAN I EXPECTED TO FEEL. SO THAT'S A PLUS. VISIT ME IN MY DREAMS TONIGHT, I REALLY MISS YOU SO MUCH. LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER, MOM
Thinking of you and Jordan and thanking you / Tracy Shilt (Angel Friends ) Thank you Gayle, for all of the candles and comments that you leave on my brother James Gordon's memory page.Sending prayers your way and hope you are feeling better.Take care and GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY MY DEAR FRIEND.Much love. ..Tracy
JULY UPDATE!!! / MOM
HI JORDIE, WELL THE COOKOUT IS OVER, EVERYONE'S GONE HOME. BRIAN, SHARON, AND L'IL BRIAN LEFT THIS MORNING. WONDERFUL TO SEE THEM AGAIN. I HAVEN'T SEEN THEM IN SO LONG. YOU ALWAYS REMINDED SO MUCH OF UNCLE BRIAN. I CAN IMAGINE YOU STILL LOOKING MORE LIKE HIS SON THAN HIS NEPHEW.
UNCLE WAYNE WASN'T ABLE TO MAKE IT. HE WAS MISSED FOR SURE. I WAS HOPING TO GET PICTURES OF ME AND MY SIBLINGS, BUT MAYBE WE'LL GET ANOTHER CHANCE. WHO KNOWS WHERE THIS IS GOING.
THE DAY WAS GREAT. EVERYONE HAD A GREAT TIME. ALMOST EVERYONE WAS THERE. THERE WERE ABOUT 9 PEOPLE FROM OUR ENTIRE FAMILY MISSING . THAT INCLUDES GRANDKIDS AND GREAT GRANDKIDS. NANA WOULD BE PROUD. IT WAS LIKE A FAMILY REUNION. I WAS SO THRILLED TO HAVE EVERYONE THERE. I DON'T GET TO SEE THE NEICES AND NEPHEWS MUCH ANYMORE. THEY HAVE THEIR OWN FAMILIES NOW. SO TO BE ABLE TO GET EVEYONE TOGETHER WAS EXTRAORDINARY.
IT WAS A LITTLE TOUGH WATCHING THE BOYS PLAY HORSESHOES AND WASHERS. IT 'S SOMETHING YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN DOING AS WELL. IT'S THOSE TIMES THAT I MISS YOU THE MOST. IT'S FUN, BUT DIFFICULT AT THE SAME TIME.
ANYWAY, WE HAD A WONDERFUL TIME. YOU AND NANA WERE DEFINITELY MISSED AND TALKED ABOUT FREQUENTLY THROUGHOUT THE DAY. THAT HELPED A WHOLE LOT. I LOVE HEARING STORIES ABOUT YOU AND NANA. IT LETS ME KNOW YOU HAVEN'T BEEN FORGOTTEN. EVERYONE IS KEEPING YOUR MEMORY ALIVE.
WELL, I HAVE MY CAT SCAN TODAY TO SEE WHERE THIS CANCER IS GOING. HOPEFULLY IT'S SHRINKING. I DON'T THINK I CAN DO 6 MORE TREATMENTS OF CHEMO AGAIN. BUT, I HAVE MANY PEOPLE PRAYING FOR ME AND MANY ANGELS WATCHING OVER ME, SO I KNOW I'M TAKEN CARE OF. I LOVE YOU AND NANA AND MISS YOU BOTH SO MUCH. ONE DAY WE'LL BE TOGETHER AGAIN. UNTIL THEN KNOW I LOVE YOU AND THINK ABOUT YOU BOTH EACH AND EVERY DAY. LOVE, MOM
4TH OF JULY / MOM GOOD MORNING JORDIE, WELL IT'S THE 4TH OF JULY AGAIN. THE BIG FAMILY COOKOUT IS TODAY. ALL THE FAMILY WILL BE HERE. BRIAN CAME IN FROM MISSOURI WITH SHARON AND L'IL BRIAN. WAYNE AND SUE ARE COMING FROM MAINE. IT'LL BE THE FIRST TIME WE'VE ALL BEEN TOGETHER IN A LONG TIME. I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY ILLNESS IS GOING AND I WANTED US ALL TOGETHER FOR PICTURES. I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY MORE HOLIDAYS I'LL HAVE. YOU AND NANA WILL BE SORELY MISSED TODAY. I CAN PICTURE NANA AND RITA SITTING AT THE TABLE EATING AND TALKING, ENJOYING THE GRANDKIDS AND GREAT GRANKIDS. SO MANY NEW ONES NOW. I'LL MISS YOU PLAYING FOOTBALL AND GAMES WITH ALL THE BOYS. IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME WITHOUT YOU. IT'S SO HARD TO WATCH ALL THE BOYS AND KNOW YOU'LL NEVER BE WITH THEM AGAIN. I ENJOY WATCHING THEM BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT'S VERY DIFFICULT TO WATCH. I WANT YOU AND NANA TO KNOW YOU WILL BE THOUGHT OF A LOT TODAY. I'LL BE WEARING YOU ON MY SHIRT, NEXT TO MY HEART. SO YOU WILL IN A SENSE BE WITH ME TODAY. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU. HAPPY 4TH SWEETIE. ENJOY THE DAY WITH NANA, AUNT MIMI, STEVIE GILLIS AND ALL THE OTHER RELATIVES. LOVE, MOM
LIFE IS SO UNCERTAIN......... / TAMMY MOM TO ANDREW CARDWELL
GAYLE I SAW WHAT YOU HAD WROTE IN YOUR TRIBUTES.I KNOW YOU ARE SO SICK,AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT FILLS LIKE.AND TO ALSO FIGHT THE GRIEF EVERYDAY OF MISSING YOUR MOM AND JORDAN SO MUCH.I KNOW WHAT THE GRIEF DOES TO YOU.IT CAN PULL YOU DOWN UNTIL YOU FILL LIKE YOU HAVE NO ENERGY TO FIGHT ANYMORE.FOR I FIGHT THAT EVERYDAY IF IT WAS NOT FOR SARAH I WOULD JUST GIVE UP.BUT ON THE OTHER HAND I WANT TO BE WITH MY HUSBAND AND ANDREW.SO I KNOW HOW PULLED YOU CAN FILL.AND NO ONE UNDSTANDS UNLESS THEY HAVE WALKED IN YOUR SHOES...NOT THAT YOU WISH SOMETHING TO HAPPEN TO THERE CHILD OR FOR THEM TO GET SICK.JUST IF THEY COULF FILL WHAT YOU FILL IF ONLY FOR A DAY OR SO.THE UNCERTIAN FILLINGS.THE GRIEF IS SO UNPREDITABLE THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHEN IT IS GONNA SHOW UP.KNOW I AM HERE FOR YOU,AND YOU ARE IN OUR PRAYERS ALWAYS I JUST WISH NO ONE HAD TO GO THROUGH ANY OF THIS.I JUST WISH I KNEW WHAT GOD PLAN WAS... LOVE FROM YOUR ANGEL FAMILY TAMMY MOM TO ANDREW CARDWELL XO
REMEMBERING YOU & YOUR FAMILY THIS 4TH / GRMA ROSE TO ANGEL BRITTANY SYFERT
MISSING YOU!!!! / MOM
HI JORDIE, TOUGH NIGHT. I HAD A GREAT DAY AND BAMM!!!! IT HITS AGAIN. MY HEART FEELS SO EMPTY RIGHT NOW. WHEN WILL THIS PAIN END? I THOUGHT AFTER 5 YRS. IT WOULD EASE, BUT IT'S NOT. EVERY DAY IS A STRUGGLE. FAMILY JUST DOESN'T UNDERSTAND. I CAN'T SHAKE THIS HEARTACHE. I FEEL SO ALONE.
BEING SICK HAS MADE IT WORSE. I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'LL BE IN A YEAR OR TWO. I GET SO SCARED THINKING ABOUT IT. I WANT SO MUCH TO BE WITH YOU AND NANA, BUT I WANT TO BE WITH YOUR SISTER AND THE GIRLS TOO. SOME DAYS I'M SO SICK, I TELL EVERYONE I'M FINE BUT I'M NOT. IT'S GETTING HARDER TO GET THROUGH EACH DAY. HOW MUCH MORE DOES GOD THINK I CAN TAKE? I'M TRYING SO HARD TO KEEP EVERYONE ELSES SPIRITS UP, WHILE I'M DYING INSIDE.
I MISS YOU AND NANA MORE THAN ANYONE WILL EVER KNOW. HOW EASY IT WOULD BE TO LET IT ALL GO, BUT SO MANY PEOPLE DEPEND ON ME. WHO DO I DEPEND ON??I'M SO TIRED OF BEING STRONG AND TOUGH. I HAVE TO LET IT OUT SOMETIMES. PLEASE SWEETIE, STAY NEAR ME AND HELP ME THROUGH THIS. HELP MY EMPTY SOUL. I NEED YOU AND NANA SO BADLY. I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH. I HOPE TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY AND I'LL BE BETTER ABLE TO DEAL WITH ALL OF THIS AGAIN. I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND A DAY!!! YOUR BROKENHEARTED MOM
Angel graphic for you / Susana Regan (angelfamilies)
BIRTHDAYS ARE HARD!! / MOM
HI JORDIE, TOUGH DAY TODAY.YOU AND NANA ARE NOT HERE TO HELP ME CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY. IT'S SO HARD WITHOUT THE TWO OF YOU. I'VE BEEN SO SICK ALL DAY. SOME DAYS I FEEL OKAY, THEN IT HITS HARD. SHAENA AND THE GIRLS HAD A CAKE FOR ME, BUT YOU WERE MISSING. I REMEMBER ONE BIRTHDAY WHEN YOU AND SHAENA MADE ME A CAKE. IT WAS THE MOST LOPSIDED CAKE I HAD EVER SEEN. IT WAS ALSO MY MOST FAVORITE, BECAUSE IT CAME FROM THE HEART.
I TRY SO HARD TO GET THROUGH EACH DAY WITHOUT YOU, BUT IT'S GETTING HARDER AND HARDER, NOT EASIER AS SOME THINK. BEING SICK HAS MADE ME MORE AWARE OF HOW FRAGILE LIFE REALLY IS. NONE OF US KNOWS HOW LONG WE HAVE. WE HAVE TO TREASURE EACH AND EVERY DAY WE ARE GIVEN. EACH DAY IS A MIRACLE AND A GIFT FROM GOD. PLEASE KEEP WATCH OVER ME AND THE GIRLS. I'M NOT READY TO GO YET. I HAVE SO MUCH LEFT TO DO. I KNOW YOU NEED ME THERE BUT YOU HAVE NANA AND AUNT MIMI, SHAENA DOESN'T HAVE ANYONE . SHE NEEDS ME HERE. DO WHAT YOU CAN TO HELP. I'M NOT FEELING TOO GOOD THESE DAYS. I TRY TO HIDE IT BUT IT'S GETTING MORE AND MORE DIFFICULT. IT'S HARD TO DO MUCH WITHOUT GETTING TIRED. I JUST WANT THESE TREATMENTS TO END SOON, SO I CAN BACK TO NORMAL.
I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH. VISIT ME IN MY DREAMS. LOVE ALWAYS AND FOREVER. MOM XOXOXOXO
Missing You! / Kelly Fichtner (Favorite Cousin ) Dear Jordan,
I heard your song on the radio today and for some reason when ever I'm feeling sad or lonely your song and mimi's song comes on the radio. One day they were back to back and I know you both know how difficult of a day that was for me and I needed that. I miss you terribly and words can not express how much I miss nana. I need you to do me a favor and let god know that he needs to lay off our family for awhile and I need him to give your mom the strenght to get through this battle. I know she is a strong women, but sometimes even the strongest need help even when they say they don't need it they do. I know! The years are passing by and life keeps pulling us here and there. I know god takes people for certian reasons and I think even though it's hard for everyone here, you're so much happier there. I know it sounds crazy but I believe it's true. It's so weird to be at family fuctions without you, nana, and it's sad to see Steve and his boys knowing the heartache they must have. A lost of life is something that we can never put closure on the pain, but I do my best to remind myself that you're all together looking after each other and it makes me feel better. I have only one photo on my desk and it's of nana, because I know she gives me the strenght to go on everyday with my life. She will always be a part of the person I am. I strive everyday to make my life as best I can because I know that some people like yourself had to be choosen to leave the earth and I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to stay here and watch my children grow. I have you all up there looking down on me and making sure that I do the right thing. I feel like you all made a sacrifice for us to stay here. Please tell god to help your mom through this battle she really needs it. No one will ever understand her pain and I hope no one else ever does, because it's something that I wouldn't want anyone else to ever have to go through. I love you and miss you. I know I don't write on here, but I know you know why. You'll here me when I'm praying for you and I hear you through your words. Love and miss you all.
PS
The weirdest thing just happened, I typed all of this and then it disappeared because I didn't enter a title, I was so mad, but realized it's because you understand why I don't write on here. So I went back and back to my saved stuff and found it, so I'm going to post it with a title and know that you understand me!
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